Author Topic: ok guys i need help  (Read 580 times)

Offline Mrs.singletary161

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ok guys i need help
« on: February 25, 2017, 12:10:30 AM »
Ok so I know that most of you know that I was living with my mom for a while with my husband and my sister well now I am living on my own with my husband and a baby on the way. Well me and my moms relationship has gotten a little stronger since I moved out, but anyway my mom just found out that she was diagnosed with Osteroperosis I think I spelt that right? along with her fibermyalgia. My sister Taylor has not been helping her since I have moved out. Every time my mom tries to dicipline her she screams like she is being abused by mother dearest, my sister is 11 years old going on 12 she just started her period last weekend, and she has not been clean about it. My mom has a job even though its a gas station its something, well my mom doesn't really have anytime off from work the only time she has off is for doctors appointments. My sister has been hiding dishes behind her bed under her bed under her comforter under the pantry in the cabinets in the stove and under the couch. She rarely takes showers. It has gotten to the point seeing as I am pregnant I cannot step foot into my moms house when I want to go visit cause of course you know what I breath in the baby breathes in. Charlie I need your advice and I need your bluntness Taylor is coming to visit for the summer I know it is still not my responsibility but I need help on how to get her to comprehend that my mom needs help around the house and for her to comprehend that my mom's health is not in the best shape right now. So Charlie I AM BEGGING YOU to help me and give me advice on what I need to do....

Offline Lola3

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Re: ok guys i need help
« Reply #1 on: February 25, 2017, 06:17:09 AM »
I'm not Charlie but I'll chip in since you're calling on "guys" haha... I would specifically lay down ground rules that eating on plates must be done at the dining room table or kitchen bench for starters. I don't care if that's not practical - looking for dishes in obscene places is impractical lol.
I'll demand she wash up at dinner/lunch time etc. If she isn't happy to do that - don't eat. As simple as that. (Being cruel to be kind... I wouldn't actually let her go to bed hungry lol)
After she's realised the drill in your house then you can start telling her about your mum and what she is feeling. Describe the pain of osteoporosis to her.... Show her how quickly it is to simply give the plate a rinse or put it in the right place at the very least!!!!!!
She's an absolute brat by the sounds of it. You can discipline her by showing her just how easy she has it at home so she can go back and appreciate everything. (Just don't make her hate you lol)

Offline Mrs.singletary161

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Re: ok guys i need help
« Reply #2 on: February 25, 2017, 01:29:24 PM »
We don't have a dining table at the moment we're still trying to get everything situated in the house. We have a table in front of the couch. But she knows how much pain my mom is in after working or cleaning after 15 minutes. But she doesn't care

Offline Pixie_styxx2.0

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Re: ok guys i need help
« Reply #3 on: February 26, 2017, 07:17:56 AM »
She will be at ur house so: your house your rules! Ground her, discipline her if she mis behaves, take away privileges like Internet and phone if she doesn't listen, good luck

Offline Mrs.singletary161

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Re: ok guys i need help
« Reply #4 on: February 26, 2017, 11:29:33 AM »
She already has her phone taken away. She has had it taken away since November. But I already told her that she is going to be grounded when she comes here.

Offline Socks33

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Re: ok guys i need help
« Reply #5 on: February 26, 2017, 01:39:57 PM »
Negative consequences aren't as effective as positive ones. If all she's getting is into trouble then she will just continue. Don't start off with her being grounded. Doing that will instantly make her feel that living with you will be punishment. So why will she feel she hast to behave if she's just going to get punished anyway?  Start off with laying some ground rules. Don't come across as aggressive as she probably won't respond well to that. Get a coloured piece of paper and discuss them with her. Ask her what rules she thinks should be in the house. Like "do you think helping clean up should be on here? As that would help me out a lot". Make her feel involved in this. And discuss what good behaviour will bring (small rewards). Put the rules on the wall in a place it's clearly visible. And stick to them. When she does stuff like helping out reward her actions. This will give inventive to do it. So saying "thank you very much. You've done a great job! See how easy it is when you help out " Or "since you've been so good today why don't you choose a movie and I'll make some popcorn". Rather than sitting her down as soon as she's there and grounding her. Removing privileges and such. At the end of her time at yours go over how the time has gone. Then approach the subject of your mum. Ask her if she will start helping out more. Reminding her how easy it is to help out and when she does how helping gives her the things she wants.

Offline Mrs.singletary161

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Re: ok guys i need help
« Reply #6 on: February 26, 2017, 02:40:37 PM »
Thank you socks I really appreciate it I just want her to see that my mom is not in the best shape anymore and needs help

Offline Lola3

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Re: ok guys i need help
« Reply #7 on: February 26, 2017, 04:40:58 PM »
Wow that's some pretty great advise!!!!

Offline Socks33

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Re: ok guys i need help
« Reply #8 on: February 26, 2017, 06:38:52 PM »
Thank you socks I really appreciate it I just want her to see that my mom is not in the best shape anymore and needs help

I understand that you want her to see it but you need to also remember she's at that selfish stage where the hormones start to kick in. And this is when being negative might not help so much.

Offline Mrs.singletary161

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Re: ok guys i need help
« Reply #9 on: February 26, 2017, 06:45:15 PM »
I understand that.

Offline Zalee

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Re: ok guys i need help
« Reply #10 on: February 27, 2017, 12:27:11 AM »
I'll gladly trade your sister for my brother! He is turning 14 in April. Ugh! My Dad, sister, and he all have to be out of their current residence by the 28th. He thought we were being mean/punising him for having him PACK AND CLEAN! It's his first time moving but OMG! Maybe we can ship them both off to bootcamp! LOL I wish I had helpful advice for you on her, but I do have knowledge of Fibromyalgia if you'd like advice on it for your mom? :)
Signiture too small!

Offline Mrs.singletary161

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Re: ok guys i need help
« Reply #11 on: February 27, 2017, 02:58:45 AM »
I know about the fibermyalgia I know it's not curible. My sister knows this I just spoke with her today and I had to tell my mom that she was thinking about running away. Cause if I knew that and didn't say anything to her I would have gotten into major trouble. She's cleaning little by little but not the way she is supposed to be cleaning. I told her that my moms health was not doing so good. And her answer was "really?"

Offline Lola3

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Re: ok guys i need help
« Reply #12 on: February 27, 2017, 04:04:52 AM »
She's not aware of the extremity of the pain and danger your mums health is in. Just aware she's not well...
So it's best to help her understand exactly the pain type by breaking it down into detail for her???

Offline Mrs.singletary161

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Re: ok guys i need help
« Reply #13 on: February 27, 2017, 07:34:00 AM »
Yeah I was thinking about doing that. It just makes me mad with the way she's treating our mom. I mean I womaned up and apologized to my mom for saying she treated me like I was a maid. I can see where I was in the wrong and did apologize for it. So when Taylor said it I told her that she was in the wrong for saying it. The landlord didn't tell my mom the roaches and bed bugs were living in the walls so they have that problem and with my sister leaving dishes and food every where is not helping get rid of the roaches...

Offline GirlyAbbyGirl6789

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Re: ok guys i need help
« Reply #14 on: July 20, 2017, 06:17:07 PM »
Crying when I read this....I'm so sorry I hope it's better now