Author Topic: Cant show affection  (Read 264 times)

Offline Zajamelia

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Cant show affection
« on: July 01, 2018, 05:34:57 PM »
Hello, so I don’t know why but I don’t like saying I love you or showing affection to my friends or family members. Everytime my mum says “I love you” to me I just say “You too” or pretend to not hear it. Sometimes it makes me feel guilty and like a bad person because I feel like I’m taking them for granted or something. I have no idea why I am like this. Does anyone else have this and can I change this? ???

Offline WolfGirl

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Re: Cant show affection
« Reply #1 on: July 01, 2018, 11:13:38 PM »
Oh my gosh, same! Please, someone help us both here!

Offline Zajamelia

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Re: Cant show affection
« Reply #2 on: July 02, 2018, 01:48:52 AM »
Oh my gosh, same! Please, someone help us both here!
Glad I’m not the only one.

Online Darken12

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Re: Cant show affection
« Reply #3 on: July 02, 2018, 06:51:32 AM »
Most times I don’t show affection, like when my mum  says I love you, I do the same thing as you Zajamelia, because if I say “ I love you too “ it feels weird. I show affection with my boyfriend, but with anyone else it’s weird, before my boyfriend, I hadn’t shown any affection to anyone what so ever. I’m just weird like that. Like when someone touches me I flinch. It’s kinda funny to be honest.
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Offline WolfGirl

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Re: Cant show affection
« Reply #4 on: July 02, 2018, 08:18:58 AM »
I can only say, “I love you” to my mom, and sometimes I can say it to my brother (I don’t see him much), and to my youngest brother as somewhat of a joke. But other then that, I can’t say it at all! I try sometimes, but it just won’t come out, kind of like when I try to apologize.

Offline Zajamelia

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Re: Cant show affection
« Reply #5 on: July 02, 2018, 09:14:58 AM »
Most times I don’t show affection, like when my mum  says I love you, I do the same thing as you Zajamelia, because if I say “ I love you too “ it feels weird. I show affection with my boyfriend, but with anyone else it’s weird, before my boyfriend, I hadn’t shown any affection to anyone what so ever. I’m just weird like that. Like when someone touches me I flinch. It’s kinda funny to be honest.
Yeah it feels weird for me too. I kind of cringe when I do actually say it.

Offline Zajamelia

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Re: Cant show affection
« Reply #6 on: July 02, 2018, 09:17:16 AM »
Most times I don’t show affection, like when my mum  says I love you, I do the same thing as you Zajamelia, because if I say “ I love you too “ it feels weird. I show affection with my boyfriend, but with anyone else it’s weird, before my boyfriend, I hadn’t shown any affection to anyone what so ever. I’m just weird like that. Like when someone touches me I flinch. It’s kinda funny to be honest.
Yeah it feels weird for me too. I kind of cringe when I do actually say it.
Yeah, it’s the same for me like it doesn’t come out and when it does it’s weird for me. I also (for some reason) hate when people are clingy because it annoys me. Why am I like this?

Online Darken12

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Re: Cant show affection
« Reply #7 on: July 03, 2018, 10:39:33 PM »
I’m not saying your Asexual, because it doesn’t have that much to do with this. But I am, well I think I am. Anyways, some people do that because they have a lot of pride and independence.
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Offline Jenny-beexoxo

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Re: Cant show affection
« Reply #8 on: July 16, 2018, 06:17:56 AM »
I know for me like I’m not a major affectionate person to my friends and family but when I’m a relationship I’m better. I just guess it’s what you are comfortable with. Also the I love you think I relate to too because I believe that when u tell someone that you love them that it’s from the heart so to say it it’s can be strange and overwhelming especially if you are ever feeling pressured in doing so. Just go with what you are comfortable with and if u feel comfortable showing affection or not it’s completely your prerogative

Offline PrinxeJ

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Re: Cant show affection
« Reply #9 on: July 23, 2018, 03:29:37 PM »
I'm not sure if this is helpful for you, but I'm the same way, and I think I know my reason. I just can't say "I love you" to almost anyone, sometimes even platonically.

Finally, after years of wondering, I figured out I have some strong abandonment issues. I realized I can only say ILY to people after I'm sure I can trust they mean it if they say it back.

I stopped saying it to my parents because I just didn't trust that they actually loved me, that they only adopted me and my bro as a favor to our bio parents. After a couple years, I started saying it again because they gained my trust. I stopped when my mother told me that she regretted adopting us, validating my fears.

To this day, I say it to 0/4 parents, 0/4 sisters, 2/6 brothers, 1/15ish irl friends, and 1/20ish online friend.

And this all took me nearly my entire life thus far to figure out. Everyone has different reasons, and everyone figures stuff out at different rates. Give it some time and some self exploration, and maybe you can find a reason for it or something similar

Offline Zajamelia

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Re: Cant show affection
« Reply #10 on: July 25, 2018, 10:27:45 AM »
I'm not sure if this is helpful for you, but I'm the same way, and I think I know my reason. I just can't say "I love you" to almost anyone, sometimes even platonically.

Finally, after years of wondering, I figured out I have some strong abandonment issues. I realized I can only say ILY to people after I'm sure I can trust they mean it if they say it back.

I stopped saying it to my parents because I just didn't trust that they actually loved me, that they only adopted me and my bro as a favor to our bio parents. After a couple years, I started saying it again because they gained my trust. I stopped when my mother told me that she regretted adopting us, validating my fears.

To this day, I say it to 0/4 parents, 0/4 sisters, 2/6 brothers, 1/15ish irl friends, and 1/20ish online friend.

And this all took me nearly my entire life thus far to figure out. Everyone has different reasons, and everyone figures stuff out at different rates. Give it some time and some self exploration, and maybe you can find a reason for it or something similar
Thank you, yes this helped a bit. I wll try and figure out my reason.