Author Topic: My best friends boyfriend  (Read 483 times)

Offline Psychlone

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My best friends boyfriend
« on: September 29, 2018, 10:36:51 AM »
Okay so for my birthday this year I was planning on a weekend trip away because it’s what we normally do and love. I was going to invite my usual group but I noticed my best friend being shady as I was planning it. When I asked her what’s up she said that basically if I went through with these plans she wont come because of her boyfriend. He doesn’t trust her going on her own and thinks she’ll get too drunk or whatever. I’m kind of anoyyed for two reasons. One this is my 21st and I just want to get away and normally there’s no problem she’s always down for everything but now I feel like she’s just letting him control her when I doubt he would do the same on this situation. Two can’t she just control herself and not get too drunk if that’s the case and maybe he’ll trust her. Either way I just want to know if my annoyance is out of proportion and if I should bring it up to her? I don’t want to come of as the bad guy because I notice she’s been holding herself back in other situations too.

Offline MaryKay

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Re: My best friends boyfriend
« Reply #1 on: September 29, 2018, 11:46:34 PM »
You have to respect her. Unless he’s physically or emotionally abusing her, they need to work out their relationship on their own.
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Offline LinkleBlue

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Re: My best friends boyfriend
« Reply #2 on: September 30, 2018, 07:11:58 AM »
Not letting her go to places is already an emorional abuse, or is the beginning of. Yes, you have every right to be annoyed, I've been in your situation so I know how you feel, and I would bring it up to her, seriously and not angrily, talk to her on private and explain how letting someone control her with small things will end up in an anormal relationship and whatnot. She doesn't need his permission to go out with her friends. To some extent I understand he doesn't want her to get drunk, but that's not the way to do it.

Offline Psychlone

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Re: My best friends boyfriend
« Reply #3 on: October 03, 2018, 10:19:24 AM »
I get what your both saying and I probably won’t say anything now that I’ve calmed down haha. I also feel that if I don’t get involved in their relationship, even when she tells me some really shitty things,  neither should he. Imagine I told her she couldn’t go on trips with him (which I wouldn’t because I’m not crazy lol). I just feel like all relationships should have trust and it’s only going to get worse as they get more serious. Honestly I’m also a little disappointed because I would boot my man if he told me I couldn’t go on a trip with my best friend.

Offline MaryKay

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Re: My best friends boyfriend
« Reply #4 on: October 03, 2018, 10:20:58 AM »
Yes, I understand your frustration. I’m glad you’ve calmed down, though.
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Offline LinkleBlue

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Re: My best friends boyfriend
« Reply #5 on: October 04, 2018, 05:22:29 AM »
I get what your both saying and I probably won’t say anything now that I’ve calmed down haha. I also feel that if I don’t get involved in their relationship, even when she tells me some really shitty things,  neither should he. Imagine I told her she couldn’t go on trips with him (which I wouldn’t because I’m not crazy lol). I just feel like all relationships should have trust and it’s only going to get worse as they get more serious. Honestly I’m also a little disappointed because I would boot my man if he told me I couldn’t go on a trip with my best friend.

You should say something because you know it's going to get worse and you shouldn't just stand there and see your friend spiral downwards on a toxic relationship without even trying to make her see what's going on.
In the end it's her choice and you can't force her to do anything, but you'll regret it in the future if the relationship gets more serious and you see her slowly declive into unhappiness. That situation, as simple as it sounds, is a complete red flag. And you and her other friends should seriously talk to her.

Offline Psychlone

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Re: My best friends boyfriend
« Reply #6 on: October 04, 2018, 11:57:05 AM »
To be completely honest I’m a little scared to bring it up. There’s been times in the past where He’s done or said some shady things and she would either shut down when I said anything and not tell me anything about him for a while or she dismissed it and gets a little angry at me. I know it sounds selfish but I can’t stand people being angry with me. I will talk to our other close friend and see what she says aswell though and where to go from there.

Offline Periodstuff

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Re: My best friends boyfriend
« Reply #7 on: October 08, 2018, 10:32:18 AM »
What you need to do is look up some information about supporting a friend who is in an abusive relationship.

As hard as it is the best thing to do is just listen and be non judgmental and just be there for her. You’ve already found out that if you confront her she just shuts down. That’s not what you want. And if you say bad things about him he’ll find you a threat and try harder to get rid of you. She needs to be able to talk to you. Part of an abusive relationship is separating the victim from their friends and family you’ll find it happens more and more but don’t be mad at her. Try not to take it personally. She’ll need you.

Maybe try and find some information about abusive relationships and give it to her but also say something like “I’d like you to have a look at this, please don’t get offended and I won’t bring it up again, I’m just here if you need me”

But seriously the more you try to convince someone of something the harder they try to deny it so it’s actually not helpful.

Just be her friend and try your best to be understanding and not mad when she cancels plans.

(But I also understand you’d be pissed!)