Author Topic: Found out about his lies and debts!  (Read 243 times)

Offline Honeydew26

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Found out about his lies and debts!
« on: September 21, 2018, 02:26:02 PM »
My boyfriend and I have been together for a long time and we’ve lived together for 5 years. He has been so great and supported me with being a student and working a crappy paying job. He’s picked up the financial slack. I JUST found out that I am done and my graduation papers were approved. He’s delayed getting engaged a few times. Last time we agreed on it he said when I finished school. Now he’s saying end of next year. So weird.

We just combined our finances and I talked to him about my student debt. He said it’s fine and explained why student debt isn’t bad like credit card debt. I felt better. I asked him about his finances and he said he’s racked up a little bit of credit card debt, but not much. We looked at it and it was no big dea because it was so small and we have a great plan to pay it off super quick. I still found it a little dramatic that he doesn’t want to get engaged anytime soon because of this small amount of credit card debt. It’s just $6000.

Well here’s where is gets freaking fantastic. My laptop cable broken because my cat decided it was a chew toy. I ordered a new one but I have to wait for a few weeks to ship. My boyfriend said we could share his laptop. I went to find a particular email I needed and it automatically logged in to his account. I didn’t realize this at first so I was reading the subject lines  to try and find the email and was confused. The second email subject was an email from a loan company asking for a payment. I looked and there were two otheir ones just a few emails down the list. That was when I realized this was actually his email account. I clicked on one of the emails and it was a loan for $5000. I was shocked. He hid this from me. I clicked another and it was for $3500. I ended up freaking out and full on searched his email.

He has credit card and loan debt for tens of thousands of dollars. This is just stuff attached to his email. This is not bank loans which I bet he probably has too. I knew he lied about his debt but I had no proof. I could just tell. There was just something off about the way he answered me. Woman’s intuition? But I had no idea it was that bad.

How could he not tell me?!?! Why would he lie about this for YEARS?!? Why did he blame my schooling for why we could not get married?!? I want to scream at him and rip him up for this.

How should I actually handle this? Because I cannot pretend I didn’t see it. I never intended on snooping. His email account automatically logged on and the big red flag was literally right in my face. He knows debt freaks me out because my parents had so many financial issues. Growing up we would get cut off from our phone line or hot water because they missed payments. Maybe he tries to hide it because I voiced that I feared being in my parents shoes.

What do I do?

Offline MaryKay

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Re: Found out about his lies and debts!
« Reply #1 on: September 21, 2018, 06:14:15 PM »
Girl, you got to address this. You cannot get married to someone with tons and tons of debt and especially someone who didn't tell you. What else could he hide from you in the future?
Always glad to help!

Offline G123

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Re: Found out about his lies and debts!
« Reply #2 on: September 21, 2018, 07:02:01 PM »
I think it’s always better to tell the truth regardless of your fears of what might that might result in. He shouldn’t lie to you about this. Marriage is a big commitment and you should definitely get this whole problem sorted before or you will enter a marriage not trusting him which is bound to fail.
All you really have to do is tell the truth you weren’t doing wrong you thought you were on your own email and found out you were on his as you saw a debt and you were like that’s not mine ? I would try to be as calm as possible and create more of a supportive atmosphere when bringing this topic up, and see how honest he is. Say you’re not mad, you just want to know what they are and what your plans are for them. And then if he reacts badly or has a bad reason for the loans let us know.

Offline Honeydew26

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Re: Found out about his lies and debts!
« Reply #3 on: September 21, 2018, 09:30:52 PM »
THank you for your replies. I felt bad because I did not mean to snoop in his email. I would be mad if someone snooped in mine. But it was right there in my face. I feel better about that now.

I have to work late and he’ll be in bed when I get home. So tomorrow I’m going to tell him that this is his only chance to come clean and not get reamed out. He needs to figure this out. It’s not fair that when we combined our bank accounts and finances I asked him straight out if he had any student loans or credit card debt. He said $1000 for student loans and i can’t remember the exact number for credit card debt. But I was so cool about it and said cool let’s put that into our budget.

I see why he keeps delaying getting married now.

Offline Ebony_Magic15

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Re: Found out about his lies and debts!
« Reply #4 on: September 22, 2018, 03:14:27 AM »
I would just be straight forward with him and explain everything that happened. Honesty is key in a relationship. Good luck.