Author Topic: Addiction 18+ Replies Please  (Read 169 times)

Offline Flowerbomb

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Addiction 18+ Replies Please
« on: November 28, 2018, 11:06:14 PM »
Hi, I'll apologise now for the large essay. This not meant for anyone under 18. If you're curious go ask your parents.

So I was exposed to 18+ materials from a very young age, like 4/5 and I would often watch this content behind my parents back. I was caught a few times but they never took the time to explain things to me and I would just be scolded. I would avoid it for a while but sure enough I'd go right back to it. Things got worse as I got older, I had discovered a lot about sex by the time I was 16 however due to lack of self-esteem and depression, I strayed from social settings and remained a virgin. When I turned 17, I got with my 1st and only legitimate boyfriend, we were both virgins and very new to relationships. Eventually we began exploring, and it didn't start out very innocent due to my background.
Long story short after a year we lost our virginity to each other but I started to feel pressure to be the women I had seen online to keep him interested (even though he didn't care) I was just being a typical teenage girl.

I found myself watching it more often and it was then that I had my first orgasm. All that time I was unaware that that's what it was used for. Shamelessly it became a habit, I did it before college, after college, before bed, anytime I was home alone. I believe this is where my problem started, I can no longer be stimulated through my clitoris by my partner and only orgasm if I'm watching those videos or with a very powerful toy. My taste in content becomes more and more outrageous borderlining things that I strongly disagree with, I'm extremely disgusted by it but it doesn't stop me.
 
As years went by I went on various forms of contraceptives, the pill, the implant for 2 years and the depo injection for a year and a half, with these I suffered greatly from the hormonal depression, lack of libido and vaginal dryness side affects, I was struggling to become aroused and this is when I really began to abuse the online content. I have been off of contraception (just condoms) for 7 months now as a desperate attempt to salvage my sex life with my amazing partner. I have began to notice that this addiction is putting a strain on our relationship, we have been together for 6 years now so it would be quite weird if he didn't notice that I don't orgasm. We've spoke about it and I've briefly explained the reasons why and tried to ensure him that it's not his fault (not sure he believes me). I'm scared that I'll lose him because of it. It makes me feel so guilty everytime we have sex because he's always trying to please me to no end, it has got to the point where I turn down his advances to avoid disappointing him. I have stopped watching it for almost 3 weeks now but I get very, very tempted and urges every hour of the day. I would be grateful for some advice from anyone else who may have experienced this on how to become sensitive to my partner again.

I also hope that my story serves as a warning, 'pornography' can become an addiction when you have depression and can cause desensitization from your loved ones and it's not as uncommon in women as you might think. Thank you.

Offline LinkleBlue

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Re: Addiction 18+ Replies Please
« Reply #1 on: November 29, 2018, 05:41:17 AM »
I don't watch mature content, and I'm not addicted to anythung, but have you considered therapy? Maybe you got to a point where therapy is the only way out of this.

Offline Flowerbomb

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Re: Addiction 18+ Replies Please
« Reply #2 on: November 29, 2018, 08:35:06 AM »
I don't watch mature content, and I'm not addicted to anythung, but have you considered therapy? Maybe you got to a point where therapy is the only way out of this.

I think you may be right, sometimes I wish I never saw any of it at all. It's had such a negative impact on me, the guilt gets really intense too so I guess therapy could help with that as well.

Offline Periodstuff

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Re: Addiction 18+ Replies Please
« Reply #3 on: November 29, 2018, 08:48:37 AM »
Yes therapy would be a good idea and the first step is admitting you have a problem and you’ve recognized that so that’s great. Also congratulations on going without it for three weeks! That’s amazing and you should be proud! With any addictions you are likely to relapse, it sucks but it’s true I’m telling you so if (when) it does happen don’t give up! You need to Understand that it’s part of the process, don’t give yourself too much of a hard time just “get back on the horse” and keep trying.

Offline Periodstuff

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Re: Addiction 18+ Replies Please
« Reply #4 on: November 29, 2018, 08:55:47 AM »
Hearing you were exposed to pornography at such a young age also brings up questions for me. It’s illegal to expose a child to porn and is child abuse. so I do wonder how that came about and how it was allowed to continue.
*I don’t expect you to answer* I’m just mentioning it because usually if a child is exposed to something like that it’s often part of sexual abuse or grooming or perhaps neglect and those might be some more issues that you might want to work through with a therapist

Offline Periodstuff

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Re: Addiction 18+ Replies Please
« Reply #5 on: November 29, 2018, 09:09:13 AM »
Unfortunately a lot of people are exposed to porn these days. It’s a shame because it gives an unrealistic idea of what sex is really like. Particularly how easy it is for a women to orgasm. Also what types of sexual acts people do. The statistics on women having anal sex has increased dramatically and it’s suggested that it’s because of the frequency it’s seen in porn. Also more degrading acts such as a man climaxing on a women’s face is common place in porn but in real life I can’t image that many couples would have this as a regular part of love making.
I can understand how you would think you needed to act like the girls you see in porn. Plenty of girls have felt the same. I hope you now realize that you don’t have to “act” and that just enjoying the moment and being your authentic self can help you to be more in tune with your partner and your own body. 

Offline Periodstuff

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Re: Addiction 18+ Replies Please
« Reply #6 on: November 29, 2018, 09:32:25 AM »
You mentioned that you are starting to seek out different types of porn, that’s common with porn addiction (any addiction) you’re craving that high and it works for a while but then you need “more”, more often and more shocking. I can imagine it’s good while it’s happening but after you feel guilty.

It’s not unusual you’re not responding sexually to your partner. You have an addiction and you have mastered making yourself orgasm. Orgasming to porn, a lot of it and to more demanding content.

You need to think of it like a drug or alcohol addiction. Being exposed to a lot of something you build up a tolerance, give someone else that same amount of drug and they’d die! Actually that’s exactly what can happen. Drug addicts have been known to go into rehab get clean, come out and shoot up the same amount as they used to and it kills them. They don’t have the same tolerance, had they had less they would’ve been ok (though as I mentioned before soon you need more and more often)

The point is it’s normal. Hang in there and you will get your sensations back you can learn to get pleasure with your partner it will just take time.

Also take the pressure off him and you and just accept that you probably won’t orgasm for a while. Enjoy the process rather than the finish line. Once the pressure is off trying to orgasm every one can relax and it will probably naturally happen.

Offline Flowerbomb

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Re: Addiction 18+ Replies Please
« Reply #7 on: November 29, 2018, 08:28:34 PM »
Hearing you were exposed to pornography at such a young age also brings up questions for me. It’s illegal to expose a child to porn and is child abuse. so I do wonder how that came about and how it was allowed to continue.
*I don’t expect you to answer* I’m just mentioning it because usually if a child is exposed to something like that it’s often part of sexual abuse or grooming or perhaps neglect and those might be some more issues that you might want to work through with a therapist

Firstly, thank you for your responses! I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders since posting this.

I wasn't exposed to the pornography on purpose. I was a very nosey child, I think that the problems were just with how my parents dealt with it. I've always felt very guilty about the addiction because I was basically told sex was wrong since the beginning, maybe if they had approached it differently I wouldn't have taken this route.

 I was a victim of 'grooming' and some forms of abuse (molesting) I won't go into detail however it happened outside of the ponorgraphy incident, which definitely contributed to the grooming my parents were only aware of one time and the others I havent told them about simply for the reason that it no longer serves me.

I'm not a victim anymore, I was able to move on from it, I've forgiven them and my abusers were also underage at the time so I don't directly blame them either. I have completely come to terms with that side of things. This addiction is the last thing on the list.

Offline LinkleBlue

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Re: Addiction 18+ Replies Please
« Reply #8 on: November 30, 2018, 05:24:43 AM »
Best of lucks with this process!!

Offline Paris1

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Re: Addiction 18+ Replies Please
« Reply #9 on: December 01, 2018, 02:12:31 PM »
Hi
I hope all has been well, Congrats on the 3 weeks. Just like she said above relaspe does come with addiction so its best to learn from it when(if) it does happen please dont beat yourself up.

      Honestly there are many things that can contribute. No one knows your body better than you so sometimes thats what gets the job done. It takes a very experienced partner to be able to satisfy. Its good to talk about the addiction but sometimes you have to get into what about it has you addicted.             

      i am not addicted to pornography but i do entertain it. Sometimes it takes less time for me to orgasm by myself than with my partner . I have been with my partner for 7 years and there was a time were i couldnt get off with her i started to dislike sex with her and it worried me that i fell out of love or wasnt attracted to her but i knew i loved her but i was confused because i was so withdrew from sex i sometimes did it just because she wanted it and i would sometimes fake organsms just to get it over with. I felt so bad
     one day i opened up about it to her and she really listened to me she was concerned because this has never happened i informed her that i could only can orgasm when i watched pornography. I let her know what parts made me orgasm the most . I was ashamed but she took what i said and put it into our sexual life she worked on things i told her made me orgasm because sometimes even though your having sex for years with someone your g-spot changes and they do the same thing that they dont know where it is anymore this doesnt mean theyre boring it just means its time to up it in real life so you dont have to relaspe you can crave your partner to make you orgasm instead of websites.  Really facing it can help in many ways. She has went beyond measures to learn new things about how get to my g-spot i havent watched porn in almost a year i actually lust for her now. It took some time but effort goes a long way on both ends and some trying of new things and improving of old things but nevertheless i hope this can help even in a small way.  I wish you nothing but the best