Author Topic: Jokes  (Read 9239 times)

Offline Lovemybæ23

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #75 on: April 12, 2014, 05:08:21 PM »
Okay it might be stupid but I still crack up every time so there are three men poop, shut up, and manners they all drive until stopped by a police officer and then they drive and park but poop fell out of the car so shut up is going to talk to the police officer and he asks "what is your name?" Shut up says " shut up" he asks again "what is your name?!" Shut up says " shut up" the officer asks "where are your manners?!" Shut up answers "over there picking up poop." Lol I crack up still.

Offline Tabbycat1511

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #76 on: April 14, 2014, 04:56:49 AM »
Lo I've heard that one but without the poop bit.

Offline Artprincess314

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #77 on: April 21, 2014, 02:46:02 PM »
I always want a good joke to tell my friends... Anyone have some favs??? Note: these wont be offense and if someone thinks one is plz telle me or the person***
Ok :) I got this one from Funny2.com:
A store that sells new husbands has just opened. You may visit the store only once! There are six floors and you can pick a husband from any floor. Once you go up a floor, you cannot come down except to exit the building. So a woman goes to the husband store....
Each floor has a sign that reads:
Floor1: These men have jobs
Floor2: These men have jobs and love kids.
Floor3: These men have jobs, love kids, and are very good looking. Wow she thinks, but she is compelled to go on.
Floor4: These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking, and help with housework. "I can hardly stand it!" she exclaims. Still she goes to the fifth floor.
Floor5: These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with housework, and have a romantic streak. She is so tempted to stay but she still goes on and the sign reads...
Floor6: You are visitor 3,261,496,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor; this floor exists solely as proof that woman are impossible to please. Thank You for shopping at the husband store!

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #77 on: April 21, 2014, 02:46:02 PM »

Offline Artprincess314

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #78 on: April 21, 2014, 02:55:28 PM »
I always want a good joke to tell my friends... Anyone have some favs??? Note: these wont be offense and if someone thinks one is plz telle me or the person***
Ok, here's some more:
A carpet installer finished up a big job and decided to go outside for a smoke. He searched his pockets and not finding his usual pack of cigarettes began to look around. A lump under the carpet caught his attention. Not wanting to remove and reinstall such a large carpet, he took a mallet and carefully pounded down the lump, smoothing it out with his hands until it was perfectly flat. Satisfied that the job was well done, he gathered up his tools only to find his cigarettes in the lid of his tool box.
He was examining them when the woman of the house walks in and said, "The carpets look great. By the way, have you seen my canary?"

LOL :) here's another one

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a 20 dollar bill fell out onto the path.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are 20 dollar bills falling out of that bag." "Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me, officer."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no," said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, I would make the best of it? So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time a guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me 20, or off it comes.'"
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Not everybody pays."

There's a lot more funny stuff on Funny2.com

Offline Kitkat2

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #79 on: November 04, 2014, 05:48:53 AM »
What do you call a box of ducks??
A box Of quackers

Offline Flurtatios❤️❤️

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #80 on: June 18, 2015, 03:27:33 PM »
So three girls were planning there next expedition in nasa. There was a blond, a brunet , and a redhead. The brunet said we should go to the moon. The redhead said we should go to Mars. The redhead and brunet started fighting. Then the blond said Waite Waite Wait I have the perfect place to go. We should go to the SUN!! The brunet and deadhead looked at each other and said we can't go to the sun we'd die. The blond said    Not if we go at night DUH!!!

My friend made it up. The sad thing is she's a blond! :-)

Offline Puppylover287

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #81 on: July 15, 2015, 04:44:16 PM »
This is stupid but
You
Only
Live
Once
          Right?
Wrong! U live every day u only die once

Offline Lunchbox7

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #82 on: July 26, 2015, 09:29:54 AM »
Sorry if this is offensive to anyone.         
Jo mommas so fat when she got a flesh eating virus the doctors said she had at least 10 years

Offline Pixie_stixx

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #83 on: July 26, 2015, 11:31:39 AM »
I have a joke and I came up with it myself ok here's the joke so this lady go to a resterunt and at the resterunt she orders liver on the menu and she asks can I have liver then the food is brought out to her she eats then after she leaves the place she gos to the pool store and buys a pool and she builds a pool and then once the pool is in she sees there liver in the pool she then swims in the pool and when she's in the pool she eats the liver and then what do u call a swimming pool with liver in it a liver pool get it that's my joke

That's a looong ass joke, maybe take away the bit about the resturant,

Offline Lunchbox7

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #84 on: July 26, 2015, 01:40:28 PM »
And ur longgg ass late

Offline Pixie_stixx

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #85 on: July 26, 2015, 01:45:39 PM »
Stop butting in gheeeze u do love sticking ur big ugly old man nose into other people's business don't u

Offline Socks33

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #86 on: July 26, 2015, 02:41:36 PM »
Ino a great joke. Teen girls having unprotected sex and worrying after they do it

Another joke. The pull out method

Here's one last one. Teens lashing out then trying to play the victims.

Offline Pixie_stixx

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #87 on: July 26, 2015, 02:47:12 PM »
I have an even better one socks, here it goes: what do u call uneducated teen girls who think they can get pregnant by simply looking at a penis or going near a boner?

Offline Socks33

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #88 on: July 26, 2015, 03:06:52 PM »
Idk what do you call them?

Offline Pixie_stixx

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #89 on: July 26, 2015, 03:31:48 PM »
Freaken idiots! lol


I hadn't really thought of an answer tbh it kind of ended up being more of a rhetorical question lol!