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Messages - callisto

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Relationships / Re: Help - coercion?
« on: March 18, 2019, 09:10:13 AM »
That’s true, therapy is a good idea and I feel like it would help. I’ll look around for places that are near my college. Thank you for everything! I really appreciate it!

Relationships / Re: Help - coercion?
« on: March 16, 2019, 01:02:36 PM »
Sorry this is long again. I know it was really late and I was really tired, so I was afraid maybe that had skewed the way I interpreted it. I remember feeling pretty disconnected from myself and unsettled. I still do.

It’s not so much the checking for blood that bothers me. He didn’t really ask if it was ok for him to stick his hand down my pants to check. He talked to me like he knew more about my body and periods than I did.

We aren’t friends anymore and the last time I saw him, we were in a group where the others didn’t know about us. He talked about his girlfriend and ran as soon as he could.

I’m just relieved to know I wasn’t lying to myself about being coerced. I’d wanted to wait for marriage for religious reasons. I admit I made some decisions with my ex that would suggest I wasn’t serious about it, but to be honest those never quite felt like my own either and he knew I wanted to wait. I told this guy the second time that I wanted to wait before going that far again, which resulted in him telling me all the reasons it’s an awful idea and how he wanted to share this with me. He said he wanted a relationship but he didn’t know if he could be with someone he couldn’t sleep with and that he needed to think about it. I asked him to let me know what he decided and we’d talk about it. A couple weeks of silence later, I find out about the girlfriend.

Thank you for helping me. I haven’t told anyone else because I’m afraid of their reaction. Any advice on where I should go from here? I’m still dealing with a lot of self blame and it feels like my only two moods are sad and angry.

Relationships / Help - coercion?
« on: March 15, 2019, 01:16:56 PM »
Hi, so about a month ago I had some things happen with a guy and I don’t know whether to trust my memory. I don’t think I have a physical reason, like alcohol or something. I’ve included what I remember happening. It’s not necessary for my question though, so there’s a TL;DR at the bottom that has my actual question. I’m sorry if this isn’t the right place to put this, I know it can be an uncomfortable topic.

Here’s a shortened version of what I remember. It’s still long but when I wrote about this in a journal it took three pages. A friend of mine spent literal hours convincing me to go a lot further than kissing with him on the first night we were more than friends. I told him I didn’t want to because it was too soon and I was a virgin. He was over at my apartment but we weren’t more than friends when he got there. It was late and I didn’t have anywhere else to go, so I didn’t leave. I gave up at like 3 am and I ended up losing my virginity. Well, technically. It was unbearably painful so I made him stop a couple seconds in. Also, it was without a condom and he made me feel paranoid and rude when I mentioned it. I’m on the pill, but he didn’t know that and didn’t ask. I cried the rest of the day after he left that morning. He was never like this in any way and after I made him stop he was very caring with me. I was so confused. I was with him two other times. The second time it didn’t go that far. I told him that my period was too heavy to be doing this. He tried very hard to tell me otherwise and I had to clamp my legs together to keep him from pulling my pants down while saying I didn’t want to. He did stop though. The third time did go that far. It was similar to the first time and I tried to claim my period but he checks for blood himself which makes me cringe. Apparently a period lasting more than 4 days is considered unusual to him and there wasn’t enough to matter to him. I kind of think he tore something before I made him stop but I wasn’t sure I wanted to know so I didn’t investigate. Stupid, I know. All three times it began as an invitation to study together or something of that nature.

TL;DR - I’m upset about it but for some reason I’m not 100% sure it really happened that way. I was reading an article on coercion and it’s been bothering me. I wonder if I was coerced, but how do I know if I was actually coerced or if I’m just making it up because it’s easier than admitting my mistakes? How do I know I can trust my memory?

Health / STD Testing
« on: January 30, 2019, 11:54:11 PM »
If I don’t have any symptoms, would it be fine for me to just wait until my next OBGYN appointment? I’m concerned about what my parents would think since I’m on their insurance plan and it would be less suspicious if I were to suggest doing it at a normal appointment. I know I should get tested, I’m just unsure of how time sensitive it is. I’ve only recently become active and never been tested or had a full exam at the OBGYN’s before so I’m a little lost about all this. Any help?

Just for teens / Confusing Relationship
« on: January 26, 2019, 05:36:03 PM »
Hi, so I’m 19 and very recently I’ve found myself in a bit of a confusing situation. I have this guy friend who I met last semester and sometime last week we crossed over from just friends to more than that. He says he wants to date me but is afraid of commitment. This gives me the impression that this is really more of a friends with benefits thing, but he said he wouldn’t be seeing other people. We haven’t slept together, but we’ve fooled around and gone as far as you can go without actually doing it. Thinking about this now, I don’t see this as healthy for me and I don’t know where I stand with him. Generally I’m just not sure what to think. But in the event that I need to end this for my own sake, how could I do so in a manner that would be least hurtful and allow our friendship to continue?

Relationships / Ex boyfriend help
« on: January 08, 2019, 02:45:32 PM »
     So let me begin by fully explaining the situation. A few months ago I posted here about my then boyfriend and current ex punching a wall. I broke up with him not long after that post and it was all good for a week or two. But then he started showing up to my dorm uninvited and acting like we never broke up, but chewed me out over the phone blaming me for ruining his birthday and upcoming Thanksgiving break. When he got mad over his birthday he showed up to my dorm in a rage while we were on the phone to continue chewing me out in person and then cried on my shoulder for a few hours. I wasn’t expecting anyone so I just opened it thinking it was my RA. During Thanksgiving break, he called me 55 times, tried to video chat me, and messaged me multiple times via text/various social media platforms. Some of it was alarming, but no threats of harm. I didn’t answer any of them. At the end of break I texted him that he needs to understand that we aren’t together anymore, he doesn’t get to just show up and call all the time, I do not exist merely to be at his beck and call, that this is harrassment and he needs to leave me alone. He still hasn’t really left me alone, saying, and I quote, “I’ll try to only talk to you when it’s important.” (Note: none of them have been important.) The whole relationship and break up caused a whole lot of grief, nightmares, and anxiety. Somehow, he still thinks we’re likely to get back together. No, just no.

     Now, he is back saying that his parents bought me some chocolates over winter break even though he tried to stop them and he wants to meet up to give them to me. I don’t really buy it. I’m not sure how to respond since I definitely don’t want anything to do with him but I don’t want to make it worse. Sorry for the wall of text. Any help would be greatly appreciated.


Relationships / Re: Bf punched a wall, am I overreacting?
« on: November 13, 2018, 07:30:53 PM »
Update, I’ve broken it off. I think he really cares for me, but it was still an unhealthy relationship. Took two hours to reach a point where it was clear to him it was really over. He didn’t understand, but I think we’ll be ok. He said we’ll talk in a week and discuss whether being friends is an option. Thank you again for your help!

Relationships / Re: Bf punched a wall, am I overreacting?
« on: November 12, 2018, 02:50:07 AM »
I really appreciate your response! This absolutely describes him. Reading this was a wake up call and made me recognize all of the behaviors I’d overlooked. I’m hoping and planning to be out of the relationship as soon as possible. I’ve talked with my parents so that they know what’s going on. Thank you so much!!

Relationships / Bf punched a wall, am I overreacting?
« on: November 11, 2018, 08:17:51 PM »
My boyfriend and I are both 19 and have been together for two months. For the last two weeks or so, we have been fighting. I didn’t show enough support in an argument that didn’t concern me, “ignored him when my parents were around,” didn’t drive two hours back to college in the dark on a back road so that he could see me, wasn’t talkative enough when he called late at night, etc etc. Most of these have been over the phone. Our latest fight was also over the phone and he punched a wall, cracking the dry erase board he has hanging there. Ever since then, something inside me has been uncomfortable and saying to run the other direction. When I brought it up to him, he said he understood my discomfort but I made him frustrated and that’s why he did it. He said he would never hit me and seemed offended that I was uncomfortable. The uneasy feeling hasn’t gone away and I’ve been an anxious mess all week. Am I overreacting?

Thanks to anyone who read this far.

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