Author Topic: Should I leave my fiancé?  (Read 587 times)

Offline MaryKay

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Re: Should I leave my fiancé?
« Reply #15 on: October 08, 2018, 01:14:46 AM »
You act like that’s the only definition. How ridiculous.
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Offline Periodstuff

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Re: Should I leave my fiancé?
« Reply #16 on: October 08, 2018, 04:44:58 AM »
You act like that’s the only definition. How ridiculous.

Umm... what definition would you be referring to then?

Offline Periodstuff

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Re: Should I leave my fiancé?
« Reply #17 on: October 08, 2018, 04:48:42 AM »
“a final demand or statement of terms, the rejection of which will result in retaliation or a breakdown in relations.”

“a threat in which a person or group of people are warned that if they do not do a particular thing, something unpleasant will happen to them. It is usually the last and most extreme in a series of actions taken to bring about a particular result”

Offline MaryKay

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Re: Should I leave my fiancé?
« Reply #18 on: October 08, 2018, 05:21:03 PM »
She’s already tried talking to him, so what’s your point? This is the last time I’m replying to you about this because I don’t entertain.
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Offline Periodstuff

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Re: Should I leave my fiancé?
« Reply #19 on: October 09, 2018, 01:55:20 AM »
She’s already tried talking to him, so what’s your point? This is the last time I’m replying to you about this because I don’t entertain.

My point is
that an Ultimatum is Rash and are never a good idea.

What I’m asking is that you might entertain that maybe you said it and hadn’t really thought through what an ultimatum really means.

Offline Hue

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Re: Should I leave my fiancé?
« Reply #20 on: October 30, 2018, 12:12:52 AM »
I would ask him to do counseling with you and see if you can work through the problems. Premarrital counseling is a great idea in general, but especially if you're struggling to work through issues together. I would give it a real try before calling things off, but don't go through with it just because you already said yes if you don't think it's going to work out.
Actually some boys are so hard to convince, he would probably feel ofendended or humiliated if she even commented it.

When I first took my fiancé for counseling he wasn’t happy about it and sat there with his arms folded and face all puffed up. But after he understood the depth of the problem we were having he changed his attitude a bit. So I’d say try taking him, it might help. But if nothing changes and you still can’t talk and he’s still distant then you need to walk and walk tall. I’m hoping it works out well for you but if it doesn’t don’t try to force it.. I mean speaking from experience, forcing something that really doesn’t have a future is not worth it because the truth comes out eventually.. and I believe you know in your heart of hearts exactly what you need to do.
Be strong

Offline イザベル

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Re: Should I leave my fiancé?
« Reply #21 on: October 30, 2018, 08:52:14 AM »
I think overall this is a communication issue common in relationships, and needs sorting out if you want a long and happy marriage (which I hope for you!).

Sounds like your fiancé “stonewalls”, a psych term for someone who essentially becomes an unresponsive wall when feeling threatened. One of my exes did this a lot and it was super annoying, so I feel you.

On the other hand, communication is a two-way street. He may not be responding well to certain ways you’re phrasing your objections.

As someone mentioned, try talking things out at a calm point when you’re not caught up in the heat of an argument. Try speaking from a direct, first person point of view instead of voicing straight complaints. E.g: “I feel __ when I want us to ___ but you do __ instead.” It’s better than “You do __ and it’s annoying.”

And instead of apologizing for your feelings, ask about his and really listen. You might not agree with his opinions entirely, but don’t flat out reject them either.

Hope this helps!
-I (๑・̑◡・̑๑)